spiritual questions
Question #3- How do I have a relationship with a God I cannot
see, smell, taste, touch or hear?
I have learned much about the impaired connection I have
with God through my experience with my son Micah who was diagnosed
with autism in January 2005. Micah’s challenges are many.
He focuses on things that are rather irrelevant while very
important things calling for his attention are ignored. His
world is very concrete. The abstract lacks meaning for him.
Routines make his world easier and more manageable. Change,
crowds, noise, lack of clear boundaries will soon send him
into a fit of frustration because he just cannot process everything.
But, above all, his ability to build meaningful relationships
is severely hindered. Micah’s world is, for the most
part, closed off from the “face-to-face” relationships
that we would consider normal and healthy. Dr. Steven Gutstein,
a clinical psychologist and autism researcher, explains the
difference between relationships for autistic and non-autistic
people in terms of “fluid systems” and “static
systems” of communication. When I look at a relationship
with an invisible God (Deut. 4:12, 15, 1 Tim. 1:17), I can
see why we might resort to a static system.
Communication systems
Basically, every time two or more people interact, they create
a temporary system. A “fluid system” is one in
which the boundaries are not overly restrictive. There is a
free-flow of communication. Communication is happening not
just through the words themselves, but through body language,
facial expressions, tone of voice, volume, etc… A fluid
communication system is when you and a friend sit down at a
Starbucks to have some coffee and shoot the breeze.
A “static system” is just the opposite. It is outcome-oriented.
There are very clear boundaries; the movements of the relationship
are very predictable, very choreographed. Standing in line
at the bank is a “static system”. You come into
the bank, stand at the back of the line, stay within the roped
off aisles. When it is your turn, you step to the next available
teller, and the teller says (on cue), “And how are you
today?” And you say (on cue), “I’m fine,
and how are you?” You hand the teller the bank slip,
they make the transaction, and you step off to the side and
go back to your car.
An autistic person, for whatever reason, is greatly troubled
by a fluid system. They can learn a static system, but in a
fluid system- what we would consider a real relationship, a “face-to-face” encounter-
they really struggle to function. Micah can now ask verbally
for a cookie or juice. But, he cannot share an experience with
me. Nor does he seem to understand me when I say, “I
love you.” In short, our relationship is imprisoned
in the static, in the choreographed.
Our own spiritual autism
In my own journey of learning to help Micah “see my face”,
I have begun to see my own impaired relationship with God,
a “spiritual autism”- the clinging to routines,
the confusion at what He wants or how He speaks, the breakdown
of our “relationship”, the multiple distractions
that I end up focused on.
In 2 Corinthians 3:7-18, Paul describes the life under two different covenants- the Mosaic (or “old”) Covenant and the New Covenant- as moving from confusion and disconnect to “seeing God” more clearly. At Far Hills Community Church, where I serve, I frequently ask the question of the people in my Spiritual Maturity class- “What do you mean when you say, ‘I have a relationship with God’?” After all, Christians are notorious for stating unequivocally that “Christianity is not a religion; it is a relationship.” Fair enough, but what does that mean? The answers I get are often the predictable jargon we use as Christians:
· “I asked Jesus
into my heart”
· “God is my co-pilot now”
· “I’m covered by the blood”
Unfortunately, when I press people about what they mean by
this, I usually get the same statement with some futile sentence
rearrangement:
“I asked Jesus into my heart.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Well, you know- He lives in my heart now.”
“What, like literally? He is inside your chest?”
“Well no, of course not. I mean he lives in my heart
figuratively.”
“OK, so figuratively speaking you asked Jesus into your
heart. What does that mean?”
“Uh…well, He’s…in my…you know…heart.”
But, Paul describes it in terms of “eye contact” or
perhaps we can terms the two contrasting relationships as a “static
system” and a “fluid system”.
Old Covenant New Covenant
“That old system of law…began with with such glory that the people of Israel could not bear to look at Moses’ face.” (3:7) “Shouldn’t we expect far greater glory when the Holy Spirit is giving life?” (3:8)
“We are not people like Moses, who put “But, whenever
anyone turns to the Lord
a veil over his face so people would not see the glory fading away.” (3:13) “But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, then the veil is taken away.” (3:16)
“And we all, who with unveiled faces,
contemplate (or “see”) the Lord’s glory,
are being
transformed into his image with
ever-increasing glory, which comes from the
Lord who is the Spirit.” (3:18 TNIV)
Paul shows us a people who cannot make eye contact (3:7);
who cannot focus on the primary (3:13); who cannot fully
understand (3:14-15). Under the Old Covenant and its inability
to bring new life, the people settled into the routines of
religion; into a “static relationship” with God. The structures
set in place were, by nature, self-limiting. You did not come
directly into the presence of God (unless you were the High
Priest on Yom Kippur). You prayed towards a central locale
(the temple). You observed these days, those dietary restrictions,
this pattern of worship. Now, there was a lot of fluid built
into the Old Testament worship as well (the psalms will testify
to that!), but on the whole- The Old Covenant was a static
system of relationship. Even in the New Covenant, the idea
is that we are continually working to move out of the static
and into the fluid as we grow in our “seeing” (“reflecting” or “contemplating” in
some translations, but the contrast is between those who can
and cannot “see” the Lord’s glory).
The residue of the “old” is still very much present!
And if we think about what our relationship with God is really
like, we will find that we maintain many habits of a “static
system”.
· We pray like a person leaving a voice-mail instead of enjoying
a two-way conversation.
· We read our Bible and memorize verses, but strain to truly hear
God’s voice.
· We constantly struggle to know God’s will.
· We lock into routines and sometimes confuse the ends with the
means.
More often than we probably care to admit, our so-called “relationship
with God” filters down into an outcome-based rut, a futile
search for REALLY seeing God’s face. Like Micah, we don’t
make a lot of eye contact with God because we struggle to “read
His face”. We tend to become distracted with secondary
things because of our inability to focus and make sense of
the mysterious. And the crowdedness of life, the noise, the
rapid change is continuing to send interference into our attempts
to pick up a signal.
What happened in the garden of Eden when human beings rebelled
against their God caused us to experience a break in our relationship
with Him; a disconnect that salvation in Christ begins to repair,
but the effects are still very much present. The anonymous
14th century author of The cloud of unknowing described this
state as,
“…this darkness…this cloud…you will feel frustrated
for your mind will be unable to grasp Him and your heart will not relish the
delight of His love.”[i] <#_edn1>
I think we see examples of this “spiritual autism” in
virtually all of the encounters with God that the Bible records.
In Isaiah 6:1-7, all Isaiah describes of God is the train of
his robe and the angels around Him (he was averting his eyes).
Or in Ezekiel 1, Ezekiel uses a lot of “something like” and “had
the appearance of” when trying to describe what he saw.
Moses begged to see God’s “face”, but was
granted only His “back” (Ex. 33:18-23). Paul said
that “we see in a mirror dimly” (1 Cor. 13:12).
Our spiritual vision, it seems, is blurred by a defect in our
souls.
Growing towards relationship
Fortunately, just as many autistics can be trained to connect,
we too can learn how to develop an actual relationship with
God. Gutstein’s model for helping autistics emphasizes “experience
sharing”, noting that experience sharing is essential
to true connection. I wonder if we have learned static spiritual
systems that are actually limiting our ability to grow in our
relationship and our knowledge of God. Prayer and Bible study
are absolutely crucial to our spiritual growth except in the
case when they become static systems meant to keep things predictable
and safe. I would like to suggest some alternate exercises
in developing a “fluid system” with God.
1. First, cutting down on the interference!! Micah struggles
to process and relate when he experiences a stimulus overload
and we have found that if we isolate him for awhile- if at
the store, we take him to the mini-van; if at home, then to
a room by himself and one of us- then we can get him back to
a place where he can re-connect. And what is true at Micah’s
level, is true of our connect/disconnect with God spiritually!!
This seems so obvious, except we stink so badly at it! Thanks
to technology, we are accessible 24/7. We have an information
overload from the Internet, 24 hour cable news programs, and
the millions of books, magazines and newspapers being pumped
out every day. In The curious incident of the dog in the night,
an amazing novel by Mark Haddon and inspired by an autistic
savant, this sensory overload for an autistic person is described
as listening to a radio where the tuner is between two stations
and both signals (and a lot of static) are coming in at once.
In this state, there is no clarity, no melody- just cacophony,
chaos, disorder. No wonder we find it so hard to hear God’s “still,
small voice” to the soul!! Fluid connection with God
requires being able to hear Him in the first place.
Francois Fenelon, in his devotional “Talking with God,” notes that
“God does not cease to speak, but the noise of the world outside us, and the noise of our passions within, prevent our hearing him. We must silence every creature, including self, that we may perceive the ineffable voice of the Bridegroom in the deep stillness of the soul…How rare it is to find a soul still enough to hear God speak! The slightest murmur of our vain desires, or of a love fixed upon self, confounds all the words of the Spirit of God.”
2. Read your Bible meditatively, not programmatically!! Part
of re-training Micah is to help him listen and respond. If
we get too programmatic, too routine, he is likely to simply
predict the next step instead of listen to the words themselves
and respond accordingly. A static system of Bible study is
quite similar. We get so used to the routine that we know the
answers before God ever has a chance to ask a different question.
We stop listening because the routine tells us what to do next
instead of the Person of God. Robert Mulholland states it like
this:
“The moment you opened this book to read, a powerful set of preconditioned
dynamics of perception went into operation. You are a ‘victim’ of
a lifelong, educationally enhanced learning mode that establishes
you as the controlling power (reader) who seeks to master a
body of information (text) that can be used by you (technique,
method, model) to advance your own purposes (in this case,
spiritual formation).”
But, a fluid system would be to read the Bible and listen for
God’s voice to speak through the words on the page. This
means constantly asking God to speak and striving to place
yourself under the mastery of the text, and not vice-versa!
A fluid system means using the imagination to enter the world
of the text, mulling it over in our heads, praying it back
to God, taking time afterward to sit in God’s presence
in silence and solitude. It’s a greater time commitment
with fewer boundaries. It’s giving God the floor without
pre-determining His answers.
3. Walk in obedient faith and watch for God’s responses!!
One of Micah’s major struggles is learning flexibility
in relationships instead of rote request and outcome. For instance,
we spend a lot of time evoking verbal requests from him during
his therapy time. We hold out a chocolate chip and when he
reaches for it we tell him, “Say, ‘chocolate chip’.” Soon,
he learns to stop reaching for the chip and say, “chocolate
chip!” And as he learns to respond to us, he also begins
to learn how to relate to us! Not every time will Micah get
a chocolate chip just because he asks for one. Sometimes we
will say, “Not now” or “later”. What
we really want is for him to engage with us. There is nothing
static about this relationship if we are building flex and
fluidity into it. So too with our relationship with God in
obedience and response!! God does not respond in a set, predictable
way to our obedience in faith. Sometimes He says “no” or “not
yet” or “not this, but that”. We need to
be broken of a static-system obedience which says, “I’ll
obey you, if You respond like this.” What He does do
is take our steps of obedience and help us tune into what He
is doing through His various responses. This is hard because
we are moving from static obedience to fluid communion.
“We want to move closer to God, the source and goal of our existence,
but at the same time we realize that the closer we come to
God the stronger will be his demand to let go of the many ‘safe’ structures
we have built around ourselves."
4. Take your experiences as opportunities to learn how God
comes near!! Experience sharing is one of the hardest obstacles
for an autistic person. Relationships are frozen in the concrete,
in the literal. Micah tends to play around other children instead
of play with them. His relationship with others is barricaded
by the malfunction in his mind. We find ourselves in a similar
predicament. We “play” around God, not with God.
Experience is so hard to interpret, primarily because as “spiritual
autistics” we do not realize that it is God working through
experience to develop a relationship with Him!! A man I mentor
asked me what God was trying to tell him as he walked through
some frustrations at his workplace. “Is He telling me
to stay with the company, or to leave, or to jump into ministry
right now?” Yet, none of the options my friend offered
as an interpretation to his experience suggested that God may
want to develop the relationship. “Do you find a lot
of self-worth in your job?” I asked. I knew the answer
was “yes”. “What if God isn’t trying
to get you to take a new job [static systems tell you where
to go next], but trying to help you find worth as His child?” Experience
is God’s way of lifting our face to His face; getting
us to play with Him, not around Him. I think John Ortberg is
correct when he writes,
“Spiritual growth, in a sense, is simply increasing our capacity to experience
the presence of God.”
Face-to-face
If the eyes are the window to the soul, then eye contact, the
face-to-face, is a crucial element to relating to another person.
Theories abound for why autistic people struggle with face-to-face
contact. Whether all of the signals are too much information
to process or because getting data from a facial expression
is too confusing, eye contact remains a struggle for a person
with autism. But one of the most exciting things early on in
our work with Micah was when he began giving voluntary eye
contact. It was something that caused our hearts to leap with
joy as Micah starting looking at us and giving us one of his
shining smiles. God’s work of restoration in our lives
through Jesus comes from His desire to look at us looking at
Him, knowing His love and care…and smiling. If 1 Corinthians
13:12 tells us that our spiritual walk is like looking through
a darkened window, then 2 Corinthians 4:6 fills in the rest
when it tells us:
For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness”,
made His light shine in our hearts to us the light of the knowledge
of the glory of God in the face of Christ.” (NIV)
God’s Spirit is in the process of re-engaging “eye
contact”. And in our growing out of the spiritual autism
that has paralyzed our capacity to know God, Jesus Christ has
shown us the face of God…and he is smiling.
• The Cloud of Unknowing, ed. by William Johnston; pub. by Doubleday, 1973. p. 49
• Fenelon, Francois Talking with God, modern English version by Hal M. Helms. Pub. by Paraclete Press, 1997, p. 56
• Mulholland, M. Robert, Shaped by the Word, Pub. by Upper Room Books, 1985, 2000. p. 19.
• “Nouwen, Henri, “Letting go of all things”, Sojourners May 1979, p. 6 as quoted in Invitation to a journey by M. Robert Mulholland, pub. by InterVarsity Press, 1993, p. 106.
• Ortberg, John, God is closer than you think, pub. by Zondervan, 2005, p. 25
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